On another note...
Isn't it interesting how a friend can turn into just the opposite in the blink of an eye? I've had several friends over the years who I've been close to until... *poof*... our friendship is gone, and replaced by an ugly green monster. The first time it happened (that I can remember. Who knows how many frenemies I had in the days before I can remember) was in high school; I was friends with a girl who no one else in the ward seemed to get along with. I figured it was because she was just too cool for them, but after a couple sleepovers, I quickly discovered it was because she had a jealousy issue, sort of a if-you're-friends-with-anyone-else-we-can't-be-friends problem. Well, this relationship continued until I got into another relationship: with a boy. Needless to say, my teenage self didn't know how to balance a bf with a bff. The girl turned on me, spread my secrets everywhere.. and the boy broke up with me. That was a lousy weekend.
The next time I had a frenemy, she was a real downer. I felt like every time I was with her, the happiness was being sucked out of me. She kept a hold of that "happiness sucking" straw for a few years until I decided I deserved better. She told me something that should have made me mad, and instead of getting mad, I used that information to fuel my choice to get as far away from her as I could. More rumors. She still looks for me, though. Years later. She uses Facebook to keep in touch with my brother and to creep on my social life via the plethora of info about me that can be found on his wall. I've even had a few nightmares about that one.
But this frenemy, the one who inspired this blogpost, is the most confusing of all. She was my friends since we met at the very beginning of college. She and I went through a lot together: an abusive relationship, death of a loved one, and many other heart-wrenching events. The strange thing about the frenemyship was that, once we were both happy, we didn't need each other anymore. We grew apart, I guess. I started dating my husband and she hers. Even though we saw each other often, gone were the long conversations, the funny, friendly text messages, the baked goods with happy notes encouraging me to eat. All I got was blank stares, several subtle but biting remarks, and a cookie-less semester.
I recently saw her car, and my stomach lurched. A few days later, I stumbled across her profile as I was looking some things up on Trav's Facebook. I almost threw up.
What caused the intense reaction, you ask? Well, I'm not entirely sure. My heart grieves for the loss of our
friendship. I felt very betrayed by her, and my pride will not let me make the first move to reconcile our friendship.
But the worst part is the common element in each of these relationships: me.
